Stupid Things To Just Avoid Saying

If You Can't Pronounce It, Don't Try (and this means us, too):

  • "NUKE-you-ler" instead of nuclear
  • "WOOwul" instead of rural
  • "fee-NAHL-ph-THuh-leen" instead of  phenolphthalein
  • Cupola
  • Ballast
  • Subsequent
  • Debacle
  • Composite
  • Expecially
  • Idear
 Why?
  • ATM machine
  • GPS Systems
  • PIN number
  • JPL laboratories
  • NASA administration
  • ISBN number
  • TVA authority
  • ICBM missile
  • PCL language printer
  • SAM missile
  • PIF file
  • MSDS sheet
  • HIV virus
  • circumnavigate around
  • ASP Page


Don't Be Stupid, Part I

  • "meteoric rise" - meteors don't rise
  • "quantum jump" to describe a sudden radical change - quantum jumps are actually the most miniscule possible discreet jumps in a given situation
  • "UFO" - if you believe its a space ship, its identified.  In fact, if you name it t all, it has an identity.  This abbreviation is automatically self-defeating
  • "turned up missing" - did it turn up, or is it missing?
  • "I could care less" - could you care a lot less, or a little less, or a differential amount less (see "quantum jump")?  If you care the absolute minimum possible, then you COULDN'T care less.  Obviously, we could care less about language.
  • "A perk of the job" - Does this mean caffeine injections?  Or are there no newspaper editors that know what a "perq" is?
  • "Can I borrow a kleenex?" - No.  I don't want it back when you are done.  You may keep the kleenex.
  • "Motorized Cable Car" - Is it motorized, or is it a cable car?
  • "Growing shortage" - why not a shrinking overload?
  • "March for world hunger" - isn't there enough world hunger already?
  • "Literally" to emphasize something that is definitely not literal: "summer is literally just around the corner".
  • "not quite up to par"- shouldn't this be "not quite down to par"?  Correction!! "par" means 'a benchmark or goal'. It's only in golf that it's a lower limit to reach; otherwise it can be an upper limit too. Apologies for any inconvenience.
Don't Be Stupid, Part II
  • "I don't know...brown?" (don't even ask)
  • "I dreamed I was a giant number 2." (the DIGIT!)
  • "Then I took another dump."  (a friend who meant "fall" while skiing)
  • "Could I just have an inch of your stool?" - this is the worst question ever asked in a bar, no matter how innocent the intent.  Actually, no matter what the intent.
What Do These Signs Mean?
  • "Fire Restoration Service" - in case that darn fire department comes and puts one out?
  • "Disaster Restoration Service" - (see above)
  • During a snow storm in Boston, it was announced on the radio that there was "...a no parking ban."  Do you get a ticket if you don't park?
  •  "The suspect was traveling at a high rate of speed"   A rate of speed(or a rate of velocity) is a speed per time, which is acceleration. which they probably don't mean, but even if they did, why didn't they just say so?
Just Avoid, Whether They Are Real Words Or Not  (thank you to George Carlin)
  • Pap Smear
  • pianist
  • uvula
  • proctor
  • clicitrus
  • anusol
  • sprunt
  • behoove - does this mean "add hooves to"?
Just Avoid II
  • "Y2K" as a matter of principle.  Become a member of "WHA" ("we hate acronyms")
  • "Hot enough for ya?"
  • "It's not the heat, it's the humidity."
  • "Pet peeve"
  • "Working hard or hardly working?"
  • "...not bad for a Monday."
  • "Cyber"anything
Our Favorite Oxymorons
  • "discount luxury store"
  • "jumbo shrimp"
  • "military intelligence"
  • "Joe's lonely night" (you know who you are)
  • "modeling school"
  • "state worker"
  • "heavy metal song"
  • "criminal attorney"
But PLEASE, Use These
  • craptacular
  • piker
  • throttle
  • geek-asm (a joyful feeling of technological triumph)
  • poon
  • cronch
  • vacwm (instead of vacuum)
  • "xing" (meaning "want to but can't")
  • recorental, recommental
  • laminar
  • Stealth ducks
  • Imprimatur
  • defenestrate
  • spleen
  • blintzes
  • Aa
  • Yoda
These Aren't Real Words?
  • commentate
  • visitate
  • interferon